All My CDs, pt 39: The Open Door

The Open Door - Evanescence

The year I began college, I thought myself mostly "grown out of" what I saw as childish melodrama, and had lost some of my esteem for Evanescence. But then a friend who was also a fan of the group rekindled my interest, and alerted me to the existence of a newer album, The Open Door. Shortly thereafter I experienced my first heartbreak, and was back to unironically appreciating the fine craft of musical despair. Old habits die hard, and seldom remain interred.

 It's a bit of a shame that the album wasn't as popular, because in my opinion it is much better, and serves an interesting narrative function. If Fallen was ostensibly a concept album about adolescent mental illness, The Open Door is about finally beginning to see the light of recovery. Illustrating this thesis, it opens with the lines:

It's true, we're all a little insane
But it's all clear now that I'm unchained...
Fear is only in our minds
But it's taking over all the time

The rest of the album is along similar lines, portraying the road to functionality as not lined with rose petals and sunshine, but nonetheless enlightening and empowering. The songs begin to track down sources for the mind-destroying pain, some of which are not only external, but conquerable. In contrast to the self-debasement inherent in depression, Call Me When You're Sober is brimming over with self-confidence, and describes the narrator's power to leave behind a relationship that she knows is hurtful and unproductive - rather than remaining helplessly codependent. The song even ends with a little self-assured giggle.

The song Lithium, named for a common drug used to treat bipolar disorder, describes a dimension of recovery not universally experienced, but perhaps most common among adolescent sufferers: reluctance to let go of the pain. Adolescence is when many people begin forming a sense of personal identity, and if that identity includes a mental disorder, treatment could mean a fundamental change and a loss of one's true self. When I was in high school, a friend urged me not to take medications, saying "You'll become a different person". But treatment is also hope for a less painful existence. The song describes that dilemma perfectly:

Lithium 
Don't want to lock me up inside
Lithium
Don't want to forget how it feels without
Lithium
I want to stay in love with my sorrow
oh, but God, I want to let it go.

Other songs dwell further on themes of grief and despair, but All that I'm Living For and The Only One express more hope and reassurance. Finally, the album ends on what might possibly be called a positive note. The song Good Enough is a simple melodic voice-and-piano piece with light string accompaniment, as opposed to the grand orchestrations and rock instrumentation previously employed, giving the impression of startling calm after a long and violent storm. The lyrics describe a simple but life-altering experience that one may have upon emerging from a long depression: suddenly seeing good in one's life and in one's self. For many this is no difficult thing, but for some, it is vitally significant. You are good enough to be loved.

End of Shelf One

I’ll be taking a short break from writing music reviews now that I’ve gotten to the end of the first shelf, but there shouldn’t be a break in the actual posting online of new reviews because I’ve got a healthy-sized buffer built up.

I can’t say that this project has been easy for me so far. I’ve gone from never having written a music review in my life, and having the loosest notion of what one might actually look like, to writing one or two per week for several months. I don’t always enjoy doing it, and I’m not convinced I do it very well. But I’ve achieved at least part of my stated goal: I’ve paid attention to, and regained an appreciation for, several albums that I’ve neglected. I’ve also seriously evaluated some newer ones that weren’t as familiar to me. I’m looking forward to learning what waits in the second shelf of my collection.

Next: Annwyn, Beneath The Waves