All My CDs, pt 56: This Machine Pwns N00bs

This Machine Pwns N00bs - Hank Green

Many of my observations about Ellen Hardcastle also apply to this album: the pop culture references, the odes to scientific facts of all kinds, the frenetic pace and energy of all but the slowest songs. This Machine Pwns N00bs is even more of a mixed bag in terms of content and quality. Its seems that Hank Green was still an amateur when recording this album, and hadn't yet discovered his true vocal range; at times he attempts notes so high they make my own vocal cords ache in sympathy. And the sound quality on some of the recordings is less than pristine.

As far as content is concerned, it contains some of the most immature and the most profound songs in all of Hank Green's repertoire, and a greater density of inside jokes that can only be understood by longtime followers of the Vlogbrothers channel. The very first song is a rap whose lyrics were all inspired by the vlog's semiofficial slogan ("DFTBA"), and the second to last is an unabashed celebration of all idiosyncrasies peculiar to its fandom.

Several of the songs are just plain silly, like A Song for all the Vegetables that Look Like Penises ("Cucumber zucchini squash and sometimes even radishes!") and Mules are So Half-Ass ("I forgot how to throw a boomerang, but then it came back to me / it's just like riding a bike, or playing with your wii"). These songs will worm their way addictively into your consciousness and stay there, and I'm not sure I mind. This even applies to Jesus Gets Nothing for Christmas, which is one of the better Christmas songs I've heard despite its patent absurdity.

Some of the sillier songs are well-meant but just don't hit the mark with me. Demolition Derby, for instance; I can tell it's meant as an ironic appreciation for that distinctly lowbrow entertainment form, but I just think the songs ring truer when they're expressing sincere excitement about things. But some of the more sincere songs in this album have a distinctly pensive air. Even the two songs about Harry Potter - usually a happy subject for fans - are real downers. Dead Boy's Girlfriend describes one of the more depressing love triangles found in the series, and This Isn't Hogwarts contrasts the fantastical magic school to the drab and uninspiring milieu that is many of our under-funded and bully-ridden schools.

And those aren't even the darkest lyrics here. In my opinion, that honor goes to A Song About an Anglerfish, which is a combined science and philosophy lesson. It describes the Anglerfish's dreary and isolated existence, and concludes "You can't hate the night / if you've lived your whole life without light / and you can't hate the dish / if you've only ever eaten fish / and you can't feel alone / if it's all you've ever known". This is actually the concept behind the hedonic treadmill: experiences are only pleasant or painful as compared to what you're used to. This has profound implications for the pursuit of happiness, so it is not a trivial matter, and far from silly. It's one of my very favorite songs for how beautifully it expresses an idea I feel strongly about.

A couple of the other more serious (but still fun) songs make it onto my favorites list. Ulcerative Colitis uses humor and a despicably-appropriate brass baseline to lampoon the state of the US healthcare system before the ACA. And It All Makes Sense in the End, like Adult Female, is another love song with a clever intellectual twist.

Overall the album has definite flaws, but is very dear to my heart nonetheless.

Next: Incongruent