In the summer of 2007, when I was nineteen, I got my first tattoo. Three and a half years later, in winter of 2011, I got my second tattoo. My third was in summer of 2013, and the fourth - and latest - in summer 2015.
Having spreadsheeted the dates as I remember them, I was able to calculate that the interval between tattoos has gotten shorter by about 25% with each successive tattoo. In other words, my rate of tattoo accrual is increasing at a relatively steady rate. This means that, assuming the rate will remain steady, I should be able to predict the timing of future tattoos and estimate my tattoo count at future dates.
About twenty-two months passed in between tattoos three and four, so I project that my fifth one will be about 16.5 months after that, in October 2016. Considering the timing, it will probably be to celebrate my first wedding anniversary. The sixth will be about twelve months later, October 2017, probably to celebrate my second anniversary.
My seventh will be in July 2018. 2019 will be the first calendar year when I will get more than one new tattoo; they’ll be in February, July, and November.
In 2020, speed will really begin picking up. In that year, I’ll get my 11th tattoo in February, my 12th in April, my 13th in June, my 14th in August, my 15th in September, and 16th through 20th in October. By then, I’ll be getting each new tattoo before the most recent one is even healed. Considering the cost of even small tattoos, I’ll spend more on them than on groceries that month.
By the second week of November 2020, I’ll be getting a new tattoo every day, and spending more money on them than on any of my other living expenses. Starting November 13, I’ll be getting more than one new tattoo each day, and on the 14th will probably have to take up permanent residence at the tattoo parlor. Soon after that, I will have to get multiple artists working on different parts of my body, since each new tattoo will be started before the previous one is even finished.
By the time I turn 33 at the start of 2021, who knows if I’ll have any bare skin left. Presumably I’ll be layering tattoos on top of one another, if I have not already died from the shock of months of constant needling.
Maybe assuming that all established trends will continue indefinitely into the future isn’t the best way to make predictions.
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